martes, noviembre 28, 2006

Entrevista al Ganador del Post de Oro

Nuestro experto en entrevistas el Sr Quintana, ha conseguido esta hilarante exclusiva del flamante y merecidisimo ganador del Post de Oro de noviembre

Señor Rumi: voy a intentar hacerle una entrevista. No va a ser un entrevista al uso, ya que usted no es un joven al uso, ni siquiera un bloguero al uso. Así que yo pregunto y usted responda sin cortarse un pelo.
Luego haré un refrito de la entrevista como dios me de a entender, o mejor dicho La cocacola. Una vez escrita y redactada se la pasaré de nuevo por si hay algo que quiera usted cambiar aunque le advierto que me pasaré su opinión por el arco del triunfo.

Creo que es de obligado cumplimiento que la primera pregunta sea la siguiente:
¿Se ha puesto el secretario del Papa o alguien del Vaticano en contacto con usted para pedirle cuentas por sus irreverentes palabras?
Creo que no me ha leído, debe ser más del ABC.
-¿Han amenazado con excomulgarle por asegurar que dios es una cocacola o que dios es un caracol?
Han amenazado con excomulgarme por afirmar que Dios es mujer y negra, de las burbujas todavía no me han dicho nada.
-Si ha sido así, me imagino que será consciente de que dentro de 1000 años otro papa lo elevará a los altares como ya hiciera con Galileo Galilei y otros muchos. ¿Que le diría usted al papa en cuestión en este caso?
Dentro de mil años no sé si un Papa conseguiría elevarme a ningún altar, con 10016 años estaría demasiado frágil.

Pasemos a temas más personales. No tema, no le voy a preguntar si tiene novia.
Hay jóvenes violentos hoy en día y probablemente sea porque han pasado una infancia difícil. Usted hace monólogos plagados de reflexiones, aparentemente absurdas y, sin embargo, repletas de una profunda verdad. ¿Que clase de infancia tiene un niño para estar todo el día elucubrando de esta manera?
Basada en el aburrimiento, creo que el aburrimiento es la fuente de inspiración. Otros tienen musas. Muchas veces estoy en clase y miro la pizarra, entonces pienso "podría hacer un monólogo de eso" y lo hago. El profesor cree que escribo cosas sobre su asignatura y yo creo que el lo cree. Todos somos felices cuando creemos en algo, yo creo en los reyes magos.

-Sus padres de usted, ¿que le dicen?
Son felices creyendo que soy un adolescente raro normal. Normalmente me dicen: A cenar. A veces: A desayunar. La merienda me la suelo preparar yo.
-Cuando tienen reunión familiar o con otros amigos en casa, ¿sus padres no le hacen advertencias para que no hable de ciertos temas y no asuste a los comensales?
No es necesario hablar para asustar a comensales, también te puedes poner la cuchara en la nariz y cantar la ópera Aída.
-Cuando era usted niño, ¿hacia esta clase de reflexiones en público?
Yo he sido el gran autor de frases tales como: "Soy más fuerte que Picio", todos reían pensando "niño ignorante" pero yo lo decía mal aposta para que se rieran. Además, ganaría a ese tal Picio.
-Optaron sus padres por llevarlo al psiquiatra?
Veo que tienen una concepción muy buena sobre mí. Nunca he ido a un psicólogo o psiquiatra, soy partidario de que los psicólogos deberían acudir a los psiquiatras.
-¿Tiene usted hermanos? Si es así, estoy seguro de que no se parecen a usted en nada. ¿Que opinan de usted y sus pensamientos?
Tengo una hermana mayor que yo, y yo para ella soy como las anchoas, que al final te acostumbras. Sin embargo ella es estudiante de filología por lo que también está algo loca.
-¿Tiene usted amigos o le cuesta encontrar personas afines a usted? Me imagino que habrá sido usted el raro de la clase en muchas ocasiones?
Tengo amigos aunque no son como yo, es más, creo que yo no me tendría como amigo, quizás como amante sí pero como amigo no...
-Que ocurre cuando alguien como usted expone una de sus ideas y la desarrolla en un aula, ante la atenta mirada de su profesor y la boca abierta de sus compañeros?
Yo no suelo exponer mis ideas ante los profesores, prefiero hacerlo en pequeños y selectos grupos de gente tan avanzada e inteligente como yo, bueno no tanto, eso es tremendamente difícil. Únicamente mis profesores ven mis ideas cuando mandan algún trabajo al cual doy la vuelta y lo convierto en un monólogo constante, ya puede ir sobre el siglo de oro de la literatura española o sobre la anatomía de ornitorrinco, hay profesores que se ríen, otros no entienden que me haga gracia la palabra ornitorrinco.
-¿El profesor le entiende?
Algunos sí... otros me estudian de memoria.
-¿Como encaja alguien como usted en el sistema educativo español?
El sistema educativo español... hay al menos dos palabras de las últimas tres que son mentira. Somos los jóvenes los analfabetos e ignorantes y no se dan cuenta de que cada gobierno cambia a su antojo el "sistema". Un año se nos exigía memoria, el otro lógica, otro año no se sabía muy bien el qué. Al final sabemos tanto de todo que no sabemos nada.
-¿Y en la sociedad?
No creo que muchos blogueros encajen en la sociedad. Cuando alguien escribe, por muy absurdo y tonto que sea es que tiene algo que decir, si todo fuera perfecto nadie tendría nada que decir.
-¿Que le parece Eduardo Punset?
Buf... yo soy de letras, aunque hace bastante por evitar lo frívolo de la ciencia.
-¿Y Tip y Col?
No los conozco...
Pues debería, me los recuerda usted mucho.
Pasemos a otro tema. Es usted consciente de que ha ganado el premio que otorga la RAIB al mejor blog del mes?
Sí, soy consciente.
-¿Que ha supuesto para usted y como se siente?
Ha supuesto encender el ordenador y decir "¡mira, he ganado el premio que otorga la RAIB al mejor blog del mes!"
-Supongo que habrá pensado seriamente que esto es un buen trampolín para saltar directamente a la fama?.
Tengo apagado mi móvil porque no paran de llamarme de El club de la comedia y de los directivos del grupo PRISA, pero yo me mantengo fiel al diario Qué.
Me imagino que tiene conocimiento de que la mayoría de los españoles solo leen o piensan cuando van al váter. Tengo verdadera curiosidad en que piensa usted o qué lee cuando visita al sr. Roca?
No se lo va a creer pero cuando me atasco en un monólogo lo visito y siempre me surge la inspiración. Tienen algo de mágico los váteres.

Y cuando un monólogo le llega a la mente, ¿que hace? ¿Va cargado con cuaderno y lápiz o, por el contrario, sus monólogos son la resulta de la ingesta de psicotrópicos?
A la mente me llegan temas, los retengo hasta que los vomito en el ordenador. No escribo, ordeno ideas. Hay veces que no estoy inspirado y pese a que tenga alguna idea no me llega para un monólogo, entonces es cuando decido ir al váter.

Le advierto que si es así, debería patentar el sistema y contárselo a los políticos de este país para que, de vez en cuando, tenga alguna idea cojonuda y les luzca el pelo.

Ellos tienen asesores de imagen que hacen que les luzca el pelo, podrían tener también asesores de mente.

Para ir terminando, ¿Que espera usted de la vida?

Qué pregunta más profunda. No sé, me lo he planteado muchas veces y todavía no sé que espero. Creo que cuando lo sepa todo será más aburrido y menos imprevisible.

-¿Que quiere ser usted cuando sea mayor? ¿y que es lo que va a ser realmente?
Tengo pensado estudiar Comunicación Audiovisual y especializarme en guión, si tuviera dinero intentaría hacer mi propio corto, si tuviera mucho dinero entonces no intentaría hacer nada. Creo que de mayor seré un Benigno Berberecho.


Le advierto que llegar a la maestría de Don Benigno le va a resultar difícil.
¿Para cuando un monólogo sobre el sexo, los gatillazos, las mujeres y las zurraspas?

Hay tanto escrito sobre el sexo... cuando se me ocurra un punto de vista original serás el primero en leerlo. El tema del sexo es como el de la adolescencia, muy visto.

Le advierto que, personalmente, espero con ansiedad el monólogo sobre las zurraspas. Es un tema que me intriga sobremanera.
Y hecha esta pregunta, creo que no tengo más curiosidades sobre su persona.
Si una más, el día que encuentre usted una mente afín a la suya será como verse así mismo. Que pensará?

Pensaré: ¡Vaya, es como verme a mi mismo!

Alguna cosa que quiera comentar?
Un último pensamiento sobre dios?

¿Si Dios está en todas partes... todas las partes están con Dios? Reflexione. Yo diría que no.

Jesús Douglas Quintana

57 comentarios:

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buenísima entrevista.
Jesús, creía que las entrevistas se hacían para la revista. Ay, que lío llevo...

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